I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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