You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
