we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
