dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
