There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
