beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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