There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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