Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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