i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
