I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
