I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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