Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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