....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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