You smell like stripper and shame
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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