apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
