the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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