He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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