Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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