the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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