The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
