sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
