Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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