He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
