she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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