Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
