I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
