You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
