College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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