I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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