twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
