I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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