I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
