My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
