He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize