I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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