i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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