very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
