He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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