we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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