True but thats because hes a fetus.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize