She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
