so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
