we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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