my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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