"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
