ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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