So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
