they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
