you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
