Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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