I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
