Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
