Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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