this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Randomize
