I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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