Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize