I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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