Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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