i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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