Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
