Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need a beard to bite.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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