i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
