I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
