the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
