I must be too annoying 4 u.
I puked a lego.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
