How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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